Well, this post will start by pointing out a tough week. Not as if my entire year, hasn't been hard... but this week has had me going back and forth and still the thoughts run through my mind. I still love her. I hate saying that, considering I am the only one who feels this way. She doesn't love me. I still try to recount what exactly it was that made her stop. If only I had a time machine. I'd go back to every moment... and just relive it. Even every fight as stupid as that sounds, because even during those arguments, she still loved me. I'm a fool for allowing the best thing to walk out of my life. I thought being an adult and awaiting on her patiently would bring her back, when really I should have fought more... than just words. It's all I had though. She was all I had.
I still dream. She's in most of them. Clouding my mind every single day, reminding me of when she was a big part in my life. The part I loved the most.
This week was rough. I still have been dating. I met my date. Her name is Sasha. A fantastic woman with a 3 year old named Natalie. We met up for lunch at the mall and talked for quite a bit. We had plans to goto the Peek-a-boo Revue last night, but she sorta stood me up. Talk about depressing.
This is the second time this has happened. Sucks ass...
Leading me right back to the beginning.
I had some issues with Kendall at the beginning of this week. It was NOT fun... and bothered me quite a bit, considering. After she picked the kids up, not only did I deal with her ranting of me doing their laundry... but also Alora and Kylie both somehow told her, that if they told her what goes on at my house... that I would "beat" their butts. Now... while I don't have any issues with smacking my childs behind, after repeating myself 5 or 6 times to stop something... I would NEVER beat them, because they're telling Kendall things. If anything, I sorta want them to tell her stuff... like how much fun they're having... how we did all these things... etc. To be honest, I keep them very busy with "fun". And I have a lot of fun when they are with me. Why would I want anything different. Well, instead of asking me if I had said this... she assumed and plastered it all over Facebook, telling everyone what I had "apparently" said, which was just TOTALLY not true. And it hurt. Because people were commenting about it left and right, all behind my back. I found out from a good friend, who is also a good friend of Kendall's. I was truly hurt. Seriously.
I'm not sure where this life is going to lead me... but I'm tired of the beaten path. I'm tired of never making it out on top... put to the side by the people I love... and hurt with words that cut deeper than any knife.
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