The best dreams = the worst wakeup.

It so hard to believe that I am still running through the emotions of Kendall being gone. I wish I wasn't, but also glad I am. It validates what I felt for her. I never hid it, but now I have to. My dreams lately have been getting the best of me. Some so real... It's hard to want to wake up.

One I can remember is arguing with her. Then we make up... Kiss and go to bed. I can almost feel her next to me. She falls asleep. I stay awake. I'm crying, because I'm so happy. Then I wake up and realize she's not there. Those tears of happiness turn to sorrow and it eats me alive. On top of it, I remember the dream. We have tons of dreams we forget... But this one I remember crystal clear and I think that's why it hurts so much. Almost a week later, through a hurricane and earthquake... This dream still sticks out. I wish I could go back to bed and have it again... But I don't want to wake up. I'd rather live in the dream. I still miss her. I need to stay away from her. Every time I see her, I want to tell her I love her and how much of a fool I was. It'll never do me any good. She's gone. Who am I kidding. Anyway, I love her still despite what she's done and what I did. I never stopped and I doubt I ever will.

Someone someday may come and capture my heart..: but it'll never be the same. It won't be her.

~John