Still in my heart...

  It's been a rough few days.  So much has been running through my mind, that I just cannot concentrate anymore.  I still think about you daily Kendall.  Almost hourly.  I keep turning back the clock in my head and remembering the times I could call you mine.  My wife.  My awesome, intelligent, amazing sexy wife.  The person who has turned my world upside down for years.  And now, you're gone.

I'm so lost, I could cry.  But, I am having trouble producing the tears I need to, to get this out.  I see how beautiful you are, when you visit.  I smell how beautiful you are, when you are near.  I hear your voice, singing like a songbird in my ear.  Sometimes, I call, just to hear your voice.  My wife.  Why can't you see?

Why did this have to happen?  Will I ever get you back in my life?  Can we fix this and repair our love, or is it lost forever with my hopes and dreams?  Am I just wasting my time loving you?

I just don't know anymore...  I just don't understand, what it is I am supposed to do.  How can you just cut me off and run away, knowing you love me?  Knowing everything we have gone through.  Do you still dream about me?

I ask myself these questions, every day of my life.  Why?  I don't know...

Maybe, it's because this is something I don't want to let go.  Maybe this love is too big for me to look the other way and to think about someone else.  Sure, it'll get easier...  but not anytime soon.  I need you in my life, encouraging me the same as I have done for you.  I need you to tell me you love me, the same way I tell you I love you.  I need you to put your arms around me and to let me know that everything will be okay.

I would give up sex, if I could only have your love back.  I'd give up everything in my life, to have you back in my world.  Except our children of course.

I am a pussy.  I cannot stand up and fight, as it's wearing me down.  It's destroying the life and happiness I have inside of me, to see you, so alive without me.  Did I really drag you down?  Am I the worst thing to happen to you?  Could you not see how much I did love you and that I made mistakes with the words I've said to you over the years?  Can you not see I've changed?

Please... take me back.  Forgive me and help me, fix our family.  Please, don't leave me alone and come back into my life and wake me up.

I love you forever.