Always comes back around...

  I'm sitting in a basement with Mike.  He's mixing this amazing music, that I can feel just coursing through me.  My body moves as it always has, to the music.  Flowing.  And a memory hits me.  It has you of course... and I couldn't help it anymore than I could help the weather today.  We went to the Lagoon.  Stevie B. was there.  We had some drinks, danced the night away and then ended up at Melissa's Bosses house.  You and I were so adventurous back then.  We swam in the pool... and soon we were naked and couldn't get off one another.  So much passion.  So much love.

  It feels forever ago...  but only because of how far you've gone.  I remember the nights I was away from you in the Army.  It was the most time I would ever spend away from you.  And still, I needed to see you.

  Now, I can't.  I want to, but I can't.  I can't do anything that remotely comes close to the thought of what we had, what our life was and where it's all gone since then.  I'll cry and it won't stop.  So, I hope to forget.  A million memories, I slowly am erasing.  It's impossible.  It's so hard.  So fucking hard.

  I saw a glimpse of you, though I wish I didn't.  I would have been much better if your beautiful decieving face, didn't bare itself to me.  Nevertheless, I endured.  I waited.  I love talking to Kylie and Johnathan...  but truly missed talking to Alora.  Being able to for the last few months has unfortunately made this move, worth it.  And now, we're back to not talking.  I don't know why...  I don't know how...  I just hope this is temporary.

  I don't want to say it, but I'll admit that I miss you.  I find myself still talking about you from time to time.  Or, us.  I know it's gone.  It kills me to admit that.  I know...  but, still.  Despite everything, you were the most amazing person in my life.  And I miss you.

  I know you're not the old you.  Maybe that's what I miss.  This person I see now, looks miserable.  Shackled and chained down.  I don't see you believe your beliefs.  I don't see you, be you.  That amazing woman I knew.  You seem so exhausted.  I know, I wasn't worth a cent of a dime...  but was it worth it?  Do you ever miss me, like I miss you?  Probably not.

  It was worth a shot.

~John