There are few moments that come by, where I am able to get clarity. I somehow, end up taking a deep breathe, while counting to ten, when answers of the universe collide with my brain. Or... I just realize.
There are questions I will never have answered. There will still be nights where I tear up when I think about you. There will be regrets. Perhaps I didn't do enough to keep you with me. It will scar. It will hurt. My appearance has changed much since the beginning of this. I don't blame anyone, but a different path I really didn't want to take. I've gained weight. Almost 50 lbs. I am not happy about it and actually going to a gym and exercising daily to work it off. I am doing the best I can, to change the things in my life around. To gain some control and not let this situation destroy my integrity. To keep missing someone, who is gone. It will happen.
Now, I need to let some out. I miss you. I miss you more than words can say. I'm so confused on why you've treated me this way. I fight the truth, hoping your still right there. I dream of you, but living you was like a dream. A dream I wish I could have a thousand times more. You were my friend. You were my lover. You were my fiance. And I was yours. But, I know it'll be a long time before I see it. You were absolutely the world to me.
Now... I have to get over you.
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